BYU's Lack of Preperation

The zombie apocalypse is something that many people have known is inevitable for many years now.  Countless individuals across the world have been preparing for it by stock piling food and weapons, and by making it possible to fortify their homes very quickly. The media has known that it’s coming for years; they have been putting out countless movies about it in order to show people what it might be like.  Most recently the media has put out a TV show called The Walking Dead, which is a very accurate portrayal of the Zombie apocalypse and how to survive during it.  Despite all this warning, BYU is doing nothing to prepare itself and its students for the inevitable event of a zombie apocalypse.

The first thing that BYU has done to make itself and its students unprepared for a zombie attack is the fact that students are not allowed to store weapons in their dorms or in off campus apartments.  When I lived in Heritage Halls the only knives I was allowed to keep in my dorm were “reasonable kitchen knives.”  All my other knives had to be turned into the Central Building.  Guns are also not permitted in the dorms.  All weapons are stored in a safe at the Central Building; their policy is that if you would like to use your weapons, you may come check them out.  However, this is useless because when zombies attack, going and filling out a form to get your weapons out of the safe is going to take WAY too long.  And besides, what if the only people who know the combination have already been infected? 

In most off campus apartments the tenants are not allowed any guns or knives.  In my current apartment complex I had to sign a statement saying I would not keep any guns or “unreasonable knives” on the complex property.  When I asked where I should store my not inconsiderable arsenal of weapons I was told to store them at my parents house or a friends house.  The problem with this whole scenario is that when the zombies attack, if I have to drive all the way to my someone else’s house to get my weapons I’ll probably be a part of the undead hoard before I even get there. 

In my opinion BYU needs to be doing the exact opposite of what they are doing as far as guns and knives are concerned.  Every single dorm in Helaman, Heritage and Wyview, as well as all off campus apartments should be equipped with a long range sniper rifle, heavy automatic shoulder weapons—such as the AK-47 and M4—machetes, hand guns, and several blunt battering objects such as crowbars.  There should be enough weapons and ammunition for every person in the apartment/dorm.

The obvious concern this will raise is that it will make violent crimes much more prevalent.  However, in my opinion being prepared for the zombie apocalypse is much more important than worrying about the crime rate in Provo; and if people really object the weapons could be kept in a safe that are all hooked up to a central system controlled by a 24-hour watchman.  His job would be to open all the safes as soon as he gets word that the zombie apocalypse is happening.

The second thing that BYU is doing very wrong is that there are no classes in zombie killing!  The closest thing to it is the women’s self defense class and the martial arts class; however neither of these are going to be useful at all when it comes to zombie killing.  Both of these classes deal in hand-to-hand combat; zombies should never be killed with hand-to-hand combat because it is far too dangerous.  The best way to kill a zombie is at long range with a rifle of some sort.  All BYU students should be fully trained in long-range zombie shooting. 

While long-range is the best way to kill zombies, close up combat is also a necessary skill that all BYU students should be trained in. Every student should be mandated to take a class teaching them basic survival and zombie killing techniques.  One argument against this plan could be that if everyone is trained, when some of them become zombies they might remember their training and be very dangerous.  This is not a good argument because it is impossible for zombies to have complex coordination and so even if they instinctively remembered their training they would be unable to use it.  Also as far as we know zombies have never been known to use weapons of any kind therefore their training with weapons could not make them any more dangerous.

The third thing that BYU needs to improve on is the fact that there are no zombie killing cars on BYU campus.  BYU owns several hundred vehicles (at least 600) and not a single one has been outfitted for zombie killing.  BYU ought to invest in dozens of these vehicles.  All of them should be able to run over and crush as many zombies as get in the way and not even flinch.  Most of the vehicles BYU owns are minivans…. Those will be useless against an army of the undead. 

These vehicles should also be outfitted with a gunner port on top and have a fully automatic machine gun mounted on it.  This gunner port should be equipped with a hatch that can be closed in the event that the zombies are able to climb on top of the car.  These vehicles are a necessity for transporting people to and from safe houses and to scavenge for food and supplies. 

The last point I wish to make is that none of the buildings on campus would make very good fortifications against a zombie attack.  Most of the buildings on campus have large first floor windows, which could be easily broken by even the weakest of zombies.  Every single building on campus should have large iron doors that can be slid into place over every window in the entire building.  Every building should also have sniper nests built on top of them so that zombies can be seen far off and hopefully eliminated before they become a threat to the building itself.  All of these buildings should also have bunkers in them filled with food and supplies so that students can live there for as long as necessary and wait out the zombie apocalypse.  

If BYU does not take the steps I have outlined in this essay, we will be completely unprepared when the zombie apocalypse happens and it is likely that none of us will survive to carry on the tradition, honor and spirit that is BYU.